A Letter To My Father
Posted on: July 11, 2016 | Guest Posts, Misc.
Dear Dad,
You give yourself a lot of credit for not completely abandoning us when you and mom got divorced. You get extremely upset if anyone even says something that indicates you weren’t the best father ever. I am here to tell you, as an adult I can now see, you were the best father you could be. I know that. You did have us every almost every weekend and as far as I remember, you came when you said you would. If you didn’t, mom did a good job of hiding it from us.
However, don’t fool yourself into thinking you were the best there is.
What I do remember is when you had a woman in your life, even if just for the night, we were forgotten. I was left to babysit while you went out. We were brought to their house to play in another room, while you did things on their couch. If you were single you would spend most of the weekend watching old movies on tv while sleeping on the couch. Yes, you managed both, because if we dared tried to change the channel you would always catch us!
You would purposely quit your jobs so that you wouldn’t have to pay child support. Yes, I knew this as a child because you and mom both put me in the middle of this particular argument. I knew way more about how divorce works than any kid should.
You didn’t come to volleyball games, softball games, choir concerts, school programs, or anything. I guess because you never promised to, that means I can’t be disappointed?
I made a lot of excuses for you over the years. When you became a Papa I saw a difference. I saw you try. You were in a serious relationship for a while and you were showing up for your grandkids. When mom asked if that bothered me that you couldn’t be that guy for me, I said no. I would much rather my kids have a great life than my past have been better.
Then it happened again. You were single and dating again. You became the man I used to know.
I can tell when you are dating a new woman. You start dying your hair, wearing different clothes, and ignoring my children and myself. You completely change who you are depending on the woman you are seeing. I wish you could see the value in yourself that my kids and I see, but you only see what the woman of the month sees.
This one is gone because you wouldn’t get engaged after 3 months, that one is gone because your overtime got cut back an you couldn’t spend as much money taking her out.
My kids are always here.
Whether your hair is grey or gone, whether you have extra money or scraping by, whether you wear jeans and a tee shirt or fancy clothes. Can’t you see that it hurts them when you don’t call on their birthdays? It hurts when they call you for your birthday, but you don’t answer or call them back? It hurts when my birthday is the day after yours, but you forget because this girlfriend shares my birthday and she took priority this year.
You tried to shame me.
I am sad that my kids will be left with the bad memories of you and that those will overshadow the good ones. You did this, not me.
I wish you the best, but I cannot have your version of “love” in my life anymore. It hurts too much.
Goodbye,
Formerly “Daddy’s Little Girl”
Heather, thank you for sharing this. I can relate, and I’m sorry that we have that in common!
You’re amazing, and I’m sure this experience helped shape that.
Thank you very much, I am also sorry we have this in common.