The One That Changed It All (Part 2)

Posted on: July 13, 2015 | Birth Stories

I knew I was letting this baby come on their own.  We had again chosen to be surprised about the gender.  I was so excited for labor!  I know that sounds crazy, but I felt so prepared and sure of myself that I was actually excited for the labor process!!  I got plenty of practice as well, because I experienced prodromal labor for almost 6 weeks.  I would get contractions that were distracting and I could time them, but they would go away.

It was a Saturday morning, I was 41 weeks and 1 day pregnant.  I woke up with what I thought was my usual contractions.  I kept hitting snooze, and every time I did, another contraction came.  I had a full day of plans though.  I woke my husband up and asked him to keep his phone on him at work because these felt a little different and then I went about my day.  I took my daughter to sign up for softball, had more contractions.  I decided to call my mom and the in laws and let them know it might be sometime in the next day or so.  I gave my doula a heads up and informed the midwives. They asked me to time them and I said they were really irregular, but I would later and get back to them.

I went to breakfast with my aunt and despite my best efforts, she noticed the pauses in conversation and asked if I was in labor.  Yeah, maybe, I am not really sure?  I returned home to meet my husband when he got off work and decided to go grocery shopping, because walking, duh!  It was then I remembered I was expected at a local babywearers meeting because I wanted to learn how to use my new wraps and how to nurse in them.  My husband stayed in the car with our toddler while the 2 older kids had stayed home.  I was not as sly as I thought and people at the meeting also noticed my pauses.  I decided to cut out of there before it was all over social media.

When we got home, it was a wreck!!!  I had a meltdown (sign 1 that this was it).  How in the world would we have a home birth here in the next day or 2 with this mess.  My wonderful husband told me to try to go take a nap with the toddler and he would take care of things.  I could not sleep, the contractions kept waking me up.  I decided to take a bath, but they got closer and stronger.  I ate cereal and timed contractions, but really hadn’t been in contact with any of my birth team since that morning.  My husband decided to head to Wal-Mart® to get some things I insisted we needed to sustain our birth team for what was sure to be a long haul, after all that was what I was used to. We needed fresh fruit & veggie platters, we needed the rest of the stuff to make the chicken, ham, & egg salads.  He was going to go on his own, but I needed to get out.

During the 7 minute car ride there, my mom called.  I gave her an update.  The contractions were about 6-9 minutes apart, but no steady pattern.  She started freaking out that if she got there and there was a baby and no midwife she would call 911.  I called the midwives and was reminded that irregular IS regular.  The fact I was having to stop and concentrate to get through the contractions meant I was in active labor.  I was still smiling between the contractions and slipped into aisles to hide when I would get one.  I got a really hard one in the coffee aisle, when dear husband was mulling over what coffee pod to get for the long night.

It was then he realized the contractions were more like 2-3 minutes apart now and that had changed very quickly.  It was time to head home.  I again called the midwives to inform them and they asked what I wanted to do.  I said it was probably the walking, so I would go home and see if they slowed back down.  The rest I remember, sort of.

I remember they not only did not slow down, but I was no longer smiling in between.  I remember my mom showing up and making all the salads I had intended on making.  Somewhere in there my husband blew up the pool and started filling it, ran out of hot water, and started boiling water to fill it.  I remember the first midwife came (I don’t remember calling) while I was texting a friend who was going to take pictures, but lived an hour away.  She wanted to know how far along I was to get an idea.  The midwife asked if she could listen to baby, but I got a contraction.  When it was over, she approached me, and another one came.  She said something like “another one already?”, which made me question myself.  I started to cry. (sign of transition anyone?)  I said that I felt fine right now, but didn’t know if I could handle them getting much worse and I knew I had so much longer to go and they were going to get so much worse.  She asked if I wanted her to do a vaginal exam.  I was going to refuse, didn’t want to risk disappointment like all those times in the hospital, but I remembered my friend wanted to know when she should head to my house.  I agreed and laid on the couch.

“We’re almost there.  You are an 8 and baby is right there.”

WHAT?!?!?!  I was expecting a 4, hoping for a 6.  I let the friend know, but she decided she could not leave her nursing baby for that long as she wouldn’t take a bottle.  I understood, but was disappointed.  Things after that picked up…my stepmom, stepsister, other midwife, and doula all came at some point.  My stepdad came, but refused to step in the house.  I was managing the contractions by swaying, smelling essential oils, and cool wash cloths.  I did not realize until later I did not have the 2 people I wanted with me most.  The ones who had been with me through 3 labors, who knew what I needed without me asking, who know me better than anyone.

My husband was busy still boiling and filling my way too big pool.  My mom was watching my toddler.  I had discussed with my step mom & sister that I wanted them on childcare duty.  I had even told my doula she may need to help with the kids if needed. None of them did.  My doula should have known that my husband should be with me and offered to take over water duty.  It did not happen.

I tried to lay down in the pool, but felt no relief.  My midwives suggested I get on all fours.  I knew a change in position would bring another contraction and I didn’t want to.  I did it anyway.  Sure enough came the inevitable, but it was different.  With this contraction, I never felt it let go, it lasted 19 minutes.  In that time my water broke and a baby came out.  To say I was shocked would be an understatement.

My kids told me recently when it came time for pushing they were all there.  My daughter had been sitting on the couch the whole time with my stepmom & sister, my mom got my oldest and toddler from the bedroom where they were watching a movie, and my husband came to be near me.

I gave birth to a 9 pound 12 ounce little girl roughly 3 hours after getting home from the store.

I never expected that.  I tried nursing, delivered my own placenta, let it finish pulsing, let the older kids cut the cord, sat on the couch to be checked while baby was held by the oldest being checked.  I breastfed my baby while my midwife sat next to me helping me eat.  Some of the extra people had already left, including the doula that was supposed to make me a placenta smoothie, but didn’t.

It was the most beautiful experience I could ask for.

I do not regret my other births.  I learned from each and every one of them.  I learned I needed knowledge, support, and confidence.  I learned I could do what others told me I couldn’t.  I learned to believe in myself and my body.  I even learned at this birth, that not only did I want to be a doula, but what kind of doula I wanted to be.

I am not there to replace a husband, mom, partner, whatever.  I am an addition to someone’s birth team.  I am there to support them in whatever way they want or need. 

I support you.