To Wean Or Not To Wean
Posted on: May 4, 2016 | Breastfeeding
I have shared my breastfeeding journey prior to this here, but a quick recap is…
1st kid: never nursed and no interest in it.
2nd kid: nursed and pumped 4 months.
3rd kid: nursed and pumped 5 weeks.
This brings us to my 4th and youngest child. After the utter disappointment and guilt I felt when I had “failed” at nursing my 3rd, I was even more determined to have a “successful” nursing experience. The reason I put the words failed and successful in quotations is because I was not actually a failure.
These were completely in my head and my feelings.
When I gave birth in 2013 to my daughter, I had set myself up to breastfeed with no other options. I had no bottles or formula in my house. I attended local La Leche meetings while pregnant to establish a sense of comfort with the support group. The time came and we started on our journey together. We had many issues come up during our first year. She thought biting down and pulling was fun, before and after she got her teeth. This resulted in lots of me nursing through tears while my nipples healed. We dealt with a pediatrician who tried to get me to supplement, despite the fact my daughter was growing, developing, and making plenty of dirty/wet diapers. His concern was she was a slow gainer…not losing weight, just gaining slowly. Same as her older siblings, despite what they were fed. We nursed through all the comments from non-supportive family.
Early on, I gave myself small goals.
Make it through 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, 3 months, 6 months, a year. I had decided I wasn’t ever going to wean her. I was so desperate to nurse that the idea of making her stop made no sense to me.
As she got older, she asked for mookies less and less. Most days it was only at bedtime. I have been convinced for quite some time that there was no milk left in there, mostly due to the fact that I could not hand express even a drop. I would ask her to open her mouth and show me the milk and I saw nothing. I tried to start refusing when she would ask, but come bedtime it was so much easier to give in than to listen to her cry. Her older brother was the only one who could get her to go to bed without nursing and that wasn’t always a sure thing.
I was done, I knew I was done.
I went to a La Leche meeting and as fate would have it, the topic was weaning! I got many suggestions, and one insightful friend who knew my story saw past it all. She knew this was about more than weaning for me. She realized that even though I had gotten the relationship I had hoped for and I knew I was done, I was still feeling guilty. I was worried about making her wean.
Here is our final weaning process…
Made a loop countdown for her to cut/tear off a loop every night.
Made a big deal of her upcoming “No More Mookies Party”, the cake and present…she wanted a bunny.
Explaining to her what the party meant.
As we got closer to the chosen date, my husband wasn’t sure he would make it, so I invited my mom to be a part of it. My oldest reluctantly went out of town and was missing it. He was excited to have a mini-vacation, but this breastfeeding journey was a part of all of us. My husband did end up getting to go, along with myself, my mom, the guest of honor, and 2 of her siblings.
We drove 1.5 hours north to take her to Build-A-Bear. There she picked out her bunny and helped stuff it with fluff, a warmed heart, and a nursing bra. She chose to name her bunny the same as her name. This little bunny got a beautiful dress, shoes, panties, and eyeglasses. She of course needed a baby carrier also! We left there to go to a very nice (expensive) dinner and then back to my mom’s house for special cupcakes my mom made. She went with cupcakes in ice cream cones decorated to look like breasts! It was a great evening and everything pointed to her understanding what was going on.
Bedtime came, she asked to nurse, and I gently reminded her that we were done. She tried to get my breast out and I blocked her from latching. Cue the tears…from both of us. This continued all night. She would settle down, play on my phone, watch a video, ask to nurse again, cry again, repeat until 5am! The next night I wasn’t sure I could handle it again. When she asked to nurse, I again reminded her that we were done and she asked for my phone. That was it! She has only asked one more time because she fell down and I said “How about I just cuddle you instead.”
We have had no more tears. She hasn’t asked for it again.
After 3 years and 3 months, my daughter has weaned!
It is exciting and sad at the same time. I am proud of us. I honestly could have used a “weaning doula” to get through it, I wish that were a thing, but we made it through to the other side!
I have officially done the spectrum of having a formula only child to having a breastfeeding toddler and I am better for having had all these experiences. I am able to provide non-judgmental support to all mothers. I understand the problems and solutions that can come with formula feeding, pumping, feeling like a failure, nursing, weaning, and so much more. I am able to support women in however they choose to feed their baby.
How did you wean your child? Share with us in the comments!
My daughter chose to wean around 14 months. She started shaking her head no when I offered. Then, when she would latch, it was only for a few minutes before popping off and waving at me. “Night night!” she would say. My big girl was ready!
Awe that is so sweet! She sounds like she was definitely ready. Lol.